Boyfriend Trouble

It could be the paranoia that I know I happen to have that's causing these thoughts, I don't know, I'm not sure. And maybe I am too snoopy. But I have come upon a piece of evidence that if clarified and investigated further.

I am hurt, I mean, anyone in my position would be. I'm ashamed to say this but it's the only way to get it out of my system at this moment since my so called best friend declared his undying love for me and I can't wrap my mind around that.

Just one guy, any guy, tell me something. Do you think when you're telling someone you love them? I can't believe it when someone says they care deeply about me. I can't believe it when someone tells me they love me, and this is why. I for one never tell any man that I love them because I know for sure, that I don't. The word simply doesn't leave my lips unless I'm joking or referring to food.

My boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend (but he doesn't know it yet) is cheating on me with someone from my own office building. That's the second guy since last year that I'm waving bye bye to. Is it me? It must be me.

Last year, it took me 2 days to be suspicious of the guy, 2 weeks to feel something was wrong, 2 months to actually get him cheating on me and 2 more weeks after that to sever all manner of communications with him and get a new boyfriend. I was on the rebound.

So this year, my other boyfriend who almost never calls can't figure out why I don't want to talk to him. He forgets that one, he never calls me and I have gotten used to not talking to him so it seems normal to me, and two, he's the one cheating and appears baffled when I won't let him come near me (what is wrong with him...I think he's a pliable, moving rock with the ability to fuck but with no brain).

Is it that I am too busy and won't say yes to him. Or is he just the dogging type with the innocent boy face.

Or, is it that I always get into a relationship knowing that the guy will cheat and knowing that I'll be thrilled for the first two weeks and then totally bored with the guy after, knowing that we've exhausted all manner of things to talk about.

Is it me? No. I think it's him.
Definitely him.
How do I know that. A few weeks later, he's gonna come looking for me and saying he's sorry just like they all do because they all want one thing.

As I write this I'm looking at him and one very nasty song comes to mind:

Hate is a strong word
But I really, really, really don't like you.
Now that it's over,
I don't even know what I liked about you.
Brought you around
But you just brought me down
Hate is a strong word,
But I really,
Really,
Really don't like you.

Thanx Plain White Tee's, this song really takes me to heaven.