I was reading the other day, a story by a lady called Nadia
Darwesh, detailing the benefits and trendiness of going raw. I remembered how,
a few years ago, when I was still young and defiant, I went totally raw –
against everyone’s advice – for about 3 months, lost a lot of weight (7.5kg to
be exact), and a lot of bone mass along with it. It wasn't pretty, but my skin
was flawless. And then foolishly went back to my ridiculously cheap diet of
fries, the occasional sausage and about a litre of tomato sauce, chilli and
vinegar a weak. That... that wasn’t pretty.
Three or four years down the line, I've mastered the art of
weight loss, minus the bone loss, for myself and people who like me, who love
meat and cheese, hate exercise and would be amazed if they could just get to a
size 10. That's considered tiny here (TIA) But that's another story altogether.
In my journey, I've come to realize that not everyone
appreciates you're trying to get in shape and hopefully, into some smaller
clothes, and preferably ones that don’t look like body curtains. You know the
kind... they look like maternity dresses, have gathers and make you look like a
cylindrical window – or a spherical one, depending on how ROUND you really are.
But even that wasn’t as bad. My goal was always to be like the middle child of
the sizes; between the skinny and obese friends. I’m just about there. And it
hasn’t been nearly as easy as I’ve let on. Here are my ten worst experiences
that came and continue to come with my weight loss.
10. Your mother starts to criticize you for
being so thin – as if it's such a bad thing in these times of fast-everything
and morbid obesity. She might also bring you food, you know, if you're close -
and she'll watch you eat it, just to make sure. She might also send money for
food. If none of these things work she might a) try to lose weight with you or b) make fun of your bony frame every time you're together in
public.
9. Finding foods that you enjoy eating and can
afford... and that won’t kill you... and then sticking to them. I
experimented a lot. Some nuts gave me gas, almonds (which are seeds by the way)
didn’t. But they’re expensive. Whole wheat chapati gave me some crazy IBS,
bananas make me sleepy, so now I only eat them at home when I do not need to
concentrate on anything, and very close to bed time. Plus, I have to mix them
into food because on their own, they make me nauseas. So now, I’ll go to a
different market every week, and I’ll look at all the vegetables and fruits
I’ve never eaten or even seen, and buy those in small amounts. Then I’ll
consult mother Google on how they’re consumed in different cultures – cooked,
raw, roasted, soaked, I’ll try anything once. Eventually, I’ll stick with what
is most comfortable.
8. So it’s
about 4 months down the line and you start to lose a little weight, and the
reason you worked towards losing the weight is so that you’d stop buying body
curtains. But guess what, the clothes you already have are so large
now, that they do look like body curtains. You have to go shopping now, but
you’ve spent all your money on good food, and fuel or fare to where the good
food is. So now, you’re down to the only two pairs of jeans that fit, somewhat,
and three of the smallest tops, which are still pretty big. Soon enough, you’re
getting looks that say “...poor girl, she can’t afford to buy new clothes...” and
they’re right. They’re all right. But I’m planning on it, even if it doesn’t
look like it right now. It’s all good if you have ‘sponsors’ who like to buy
you stuff. It’s even better when you actually like to go shopping. I hate
shopping unless food is involved. So, now you see why this is on this list.
7. Nobody
sees the training you’ve gone through. They only see the overnight
success, the ‘Oscar’, the star. They don’t see you standing outside McFries or
KFC battling the demons that are practically levitating you to the counter and
mouthing, on your behalf, “give me a double cheese burger, the family-sized
pack of fries and chicken nuggets, a half-litre bottle of coke and fudge
ice-cream for dessert. Yes, food demons exist and need to be battled. They come
in the form of friends, relatives, work mates who somehow always have money to
spend, even though you earn the same, and they pay double the amount in rent. Your
critics never see habits you’ve had to give up; like that stash of poison –
sweets, and salties and more sweets in the corner of your second drawer.
6. Again,
TIA, so there’s always this random dude friend of yours who goes like, “you
know African men like women with a little meat on them.”
0_o
Well... that’s fine; I like meat on my bones too but, what
are we going to do about this fat around my vital organs? Should we close our
eyes and pray that it one day magically becomes MEAT?!
If you think your woman really needs a little sum-sum on her
bones, Lady Gaga proved to us that beef, and other meats, are good for a lot
more than just eating. You can now wear it; make a meat dress; a pork bikini; a
fish bra; mango flesh socks; mutton sandals; a polar bear meat coat and boy, I
bet those Eskimos knew about blubber and flesh fashion before Noah... of the
ark; hey-hey here comes the chicken dress, throw on a few of the chickens’
feathers to make it really flamboyant; and don’t forget the snake meat
stockings. But those are just for sinners, because, you know... the snake was
cursed at creation. No? Okay bye...
And the best part about having these kinds of meat on your
bones ladies and gentlemen is... drumroll please... YOU CAN ACTUALLY TAKE IT
OFF AT BEDTIME. Besides, even the skinny ones have plenty of meat in, on,
around them... in places. It’s the fat they’ve chosen to NOT let accumulate.
Geddit?
5. Once you
go black... you can never go... no not really. It’s the trash you can never go
back to here. And trust me the trash (fries) will call out to you. The
trash (crisps) will beg you to eat it. The trash (sugar, sugar, sugar) will
make itself so cheap, that you can buy 10 for the price of 1. But if you can
say ‘no’ to the trash once, you can say no every time, even when it’s free and
surrounds you like air.
4. If you
don’t like the taste of fruits in general, yes such people exist and I am one
of them, it can be very challenging. But you know yoghurt is good for.
If it’s sugared, it’s less good for you. So... take the plain, bland yoghurt,
throw in a few tasty nuts, a banana or orange or apple, you have the good kinds
of sugars... nature’s sweets. Mix up your foods in ways that please the taste
buds or you’ll be back on your bad foods faster that you can say obese.
3. Giving
people advice on how they can lose weight is also pretty hard, because
you don’t remember exactly what you did. You heard something here and adopted
that, heard something somewhere else and adopted that too. When the results
started coming in, you got energized and started really researching ways of
expediting the process. Then you realized that no such ways exist without
consequences. So you joined groups for support, shared your progress and
eventually got to a place where people aren’t making fun of your efforts any
more, they’re actually shocked that you accomplished, or are accomplishing,
what you set out to do. So they start asking for help.
You offer it. But our bodies differ, one from the next. And
your friends cheat and binge on large pack of crisps or a tub of ice cream
every once in a while... and they still expect results! And when they don’t see
them, they just give up.
2. Skinny
friends can be your biggest encouragers. They can also be your
biggest hindrance. You see, some of them want to add weight so they think
you’re crazy for wanting to be smaller. Others don’t want to give you a
complex... well, some do. They’ll say things like, “my, you look stuffed,” when
you wear something that’s too small. But the kind ones say something like,
“you’re not big, you have BDD, (look that up), your body is wonderful”. In so
doing they actually do give you a complex – the kind that makes you think
you’re not fat when you’re actually grossly overweight.
1.
The No.1
hardest thing about losing the weight is not actually losing the weight
through exercise/starvation/eating a mango a day (I did none of these things
because I love food and hate exercise as advertised by gyms, athletes, doctors,
and Tae Bo enthusiasts, Yoga fanatics). No. The hardest thing about losing
weight is all the people you were once fat with wanting you to remain fat
forever even though they have the fat in all the right places and you look like
Johnny Bravo, no matter what manner of striped trickery Kenya's Joan Rivers -
that's Ian Mbugua - tries to convince you will 'shape' you. That's God's
business man, and he already decided that if some people go even one kilo over
their 'ideal weight' they look like blocks of meat on stilts. Stripes don't
help us. Neither do friends who discourage us from losing weight. But losing
weight does, because it allows us to wear belts like normal people.
Those have been my experiences. Do you have any that you’d like to share?
Email me: njerimuchai@outlook.com
No comments:
Post a Comment