The Passing Wind

New year, new things. Or so I thought. I thought that as I grew older, I would also grow smarter and wiser and not make the same silly mistakes I had made the year before and years before that. I was wrong!

Many times we fall into traps that we thought we would be perceptive enough of, smart enough to evade. We even brag to other people about how strong we are and ridicule those who fell. Now the tables have turned and I............I am the one that fell. I fell so badly, so badly that I'm still trying to figure out if I can be fixed. If I can pick myself up and carry on with my life. I worry so much nowadays. I am afraid of falling again and I am afraid that how far I have fallen is already too deep.

This could be the end of all my plans, the beginning of a nightmare, the end of my life and all the good things in it. Now that I have stepped into the shoes of those people I have so often ridiculed, I realize that one stupid mistake can ruin your whole life and the lives of the those you love, those who love you.

I no longer boast my strength. I have none. Whatever it is that protects us from the evil hands of misfortune has left me and I wander alone trying to protect myself;but I fail. Over and over again I fail and wonder what it is I am supposed to be doing. What it is I am living for in this world. Sometimes I wish that I could leave it, this world, painlessly, without suffering, without regret, without a longing to remain just a little longer.

I cry without tearing for my foolishness has nearly ruined me. The wiser I think I'm getting, the more I prove to myself that I am nothing more than a mindless prat. I am no wiser than I was as a newborn. I just know more and yet I cannot seem to use my knowledge to my advantage. I have gone against the very principles I thought were innate. It seems they were........................just like the passing wind. Here now......... gone a second later.

Bondage