Foghorn anyone?

A few times during the past few weeks, I have wanted to purchase a foghorn, like we used to have back in the '80s and '90s to scare thieves.

Here’s why. Every time I walk near a bus stop – whether I’m actually going to take a bus or just happen to be passing through – about 10 drivers hoot at me.

And it’s not because I’m well dressed or exceptionally attractive, no. They’re under the false impression that deafening me as I approach their vehicle will somehow make me want to jump on board. It won’t.

Fine. I understand their logic. Catch their attention before they scatter away. The problem is, it works against them – most of the time. Since women are the majority, everywhere – except in levels of authority – these guys should know that we, are like birds.

Loud noises scare us! They don’t attract us. Hooting at me won’t get me or the one thousand other women into your car. I’ll run in the opposite direction.

But let’s say it does work, and I board this guy’s matatu, who’s just busted my eardrums and given me a temporary concussion. Doesn't he think that I would want to pay him back?

WELL, I DO!!!

This is where the foghorn comes in. Most car horns sound exactly like foghorns. How glorious would it be, if, you and I walked around with foghorns in our bags (or pockets, they make them small enough nowadays). And once we got hooted at, entered the culprit’s vehicle, snuggled into the seat directly behind him, got out our weapons and blew out his ear too?

Diabolical, I know. But in a world where every single man has got to defend his own rights, I’d like the choice to protect myself, and perhaps the next gal or guy this crazy hooter has in his sights.

I’d be a little bothered about causing a driver’s ear to bleed, but, suffering the noise and half-deafness every single day is not right either.

Not doing something about it, is as good as saying you really don’t care about the fact that you can hear.

There are deaf people among us who say it’s a lot quieter for them, of course, but that’s not to say that some of them wouldn’t want to hear the sound of music, or their baby laughing.

Those of us who can, need to appreciate our hearing by fighting the noise pollution... with more noise pollution. That or we can all walk around with industrial ear muffs everywhere we go.

I vote for the foghorn because, NEMA ain’t doing jack about it now. They can’t possibly arrest us for polluting the air with noise. Can they?