Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
THE SUN HAS SET
On friday afternoon, I went to see my favorite Aunt in hospital...I had just found out that on top of the Ovarian cancer she had been diagnosed with four years ago...she had a hyatus hernia and the cancer had spread to the liver.
before I left I said, "Auntie, I'll come see you tomorrow"
She said,' Yah, you come see me ....' she smiled so I thought ..."Wow, she f eels better already"
When to morrow came, I told my uncle that I would come see her @ 4:00 in the afternoon
She died at 12:00pm
before I left I said, "Auntie, I'll come see you tomorrow"
She said,' Yah, you come see me ....' she smiled so I thought ..."Wow, she f eels better already"
When to morrow came, I told my uncle that I would come see her @ 4:00 in the afternoon
She died at 12:00pm
Thursday, September 06, 2007
It's All Good 2
Did I forget to tell you that Deno kissed me twice! Shock! Horror!No. No Horror, just delight. He's got this thing with me, everytime we meet, he's got to kiss my neck or my cheek. I totally love it. I hate to admit it but...there it is. If anyone I know actually reads this....It will be the end of me. He doesn't know this but, it makes me weak in the knees.
I'm wary not to fall for him because, him being a musician and famous and all, the likelyhood of him getting hunted by all other hot chics is like 100% so I won't even try. Sometimes when I'm leaving and I look at him, he looks disappointed and I think for a moment that he actually wants to keep my company. but then I look at who he is and who I am and conclude; what the hell would guy like him want with a reject like me. Anyway, it's all good.
That night at Rezoras, I kept looking at him, just to see if he would look back. He did. And we smiled at each other, twice. But I didn't feel a thing because I had already decided to block myself and only behave mechanically. If he smiles, I smile back. If he wants to kiss me, I offer the cheek. I rest my case. I am totally confused when it comes to men. I simply harden my heart when I fear I'll be hurt. I just wish I could let myself get hurt once....actually I have.
I never learnt how to give myself since then...
&Bondage&
I'm wary not to fall for him because, him being a musician and famous and all, the likelyhood of him getting hunted by all other hot chics is like 100% so I won't even try. Sometimes when I'm leaving and I look at him, he looks disappointed and I think for a moment that he actually wants to keep my company. but then I look at who he is and who I am and conclude; what the hell would guy like him want with a reject like me. Anyway, it's all good.
That night at Rezoras, I kept looking at him, just to see if he would look back. He did. And we smiled at each other, twice. But I didn't feel a thing because I had already decided to block myself and only behave mechanically. If he smiles, I smile back. If he wants to kiss me, I offer the cheek. I rest my case. I am totally confused when it comes to men. I simply harden my heart when I fear I'll be hurt. I just wish I could let myself get hurt once....actually I have.
I never learnt how to give myself since then...
&Bondage&
It's All Good
Wednesday night came and i had what I think was a blast. I performed at Rezoras. Two songs. I thought I played the guitar very plainly. The first song was "Matuko Mothe" (my own composition; it means "All the days of my life" and the other one was "Collide", you know, by Howie Day. That's the one that people cheered for. Nobody seemed to like my song.
Any way,before I performed, i went to the Bathroom to check out my face and piss away my anxiety and i noticed that my whole face was one big mountain of bumps.The next day, i discovered that the rest of my body was bumpity bump land. I think its those clothes I bought from Grace, evil woman.Okay, okay, I know its not her fault.I should have washed those clothes before wearing them....but it was an emergencey!!!!REALLY!
You see the evening before, The Editor from the The Nation calls and asks if i can come for an interview. I say yes and agree to be there by 12:30, I have a make up exam that same morning @ 11:00am, the lecturer doesn't show up so I arrange to take the CAT later in the afternoon....after which i have to go change my clothes again, go meet Eric at the Studio and then change my clothes to suit him....AGAIN! So I'm in a Mat to Mada when guess who calls. Eric calls and says that I shouldn't go to Mada coz the "guys" are all in Tao ati at Pasara's.
Now at that very moment I'm thinking to myself, what the f*&#k should I do to show this guy that if he makes an arrangement, he should stick to it or else notify me when he makes changes. Plus, I don't have money to waste zooming up and down town. There are better uses I could put my money to.
But, I remained calm...actually no, i was so f*&cking pissed but i managed to go to the studio, change my clothes and head back for town.
Earth hath no stupidity like that of a man who can't stick to plans, he himself made. Eric says that he's at Pasaras with akina Deno and Steve and whoever else. I get there ..... he says he's on K-street.BUT HE SAID HE WAS AT PASARAS!!!!
If I had been alone, it might have been alright you see i could have just turned on my heels and headed back for home(I couldn't have afforded to set my foot in Pasara's; you pay like 1,000 just to look in) but no. William, my keyboardist was with me and had planned to be out of Rezoras by 9:00. It is now 8:00 and we are still waiting for Eric outside Pasara's nowhere near Rezoras or Westlands for that matter.
I call the guy a million times and he says that I'm becoming rude! Rude? Rude?....Rude is when you tell someone to meet you at 6pm and show up at 10pm unpeturbed. Rude is when you say you're in Pasaras when you are actually on K-street and ask me to wait for you outside Pasaras. for 2 f*%#ing hours.
Anyway, I decided to call my brother Gungun so he could take Will and me to Rezoras. He picks us up and we drive to Westlands in his white rental. My uncle from America who's paid for the car and whom I haven't see for about 15 years, I'm now 22, Kindly offers to buy us supper before we go to Rezoras. I eat a whole pizza alone, Will naively went for the chicken and fries.
Unlce gives me 1,000Kshs and I think to myself "Wow, now i can actually look into Pasara's". Then he lets me keep the change after he bought Will and me supper. Wow, he reminds me so much of my other brother, he's ever giving.
So anyway, we get to Rezoras and the music is too bloody loud. The singers are horrendous, but the guy on the drums is kinda cute and he plays like a rock star. The guitarist is one of our omore famous actors from Better Days ( what a hunk) and he too plays like a rock star. He and the Bass Guitarist( Another shy hunk) have this wierd connection that only they can understand. They keep looking at each other and play mad tunes.Wow! I think I still have a crush on the Guitarist...maybe it's just because he's famous....Naaaah! I ain't that shallow.
My turn to play comes so Will and me go to the the stage....surprisingly...I'm not nervous or scared...but I'm not happy either so when I sing, you can tell that I'm not feeling the music...especially on my first song. But when I sing "Collide" the crowd goes wild and everybody is cheearing. Deno is taking a video of me perfoming and when I look at him, I blush for the camera...or maybe it was for him....you know...i think that was a very good performance in terms of..."i had no fear" but terrible because the crowd didn't feel me entirely. I bored them in the beginning.
Steve was happy, Eric pretended to be happy, Shaffie was there with his wife...Shinde was there, Sheila Mwanyigah was there, Who knows who else was there. Obviously I didn't do very well because no one has called me since then not even Eric. I plan to go see him tomorrow. Or at least go to the studio and find out what's cooking.
V bugs me alot. I don't believe he's good enough for me. I'm polite and tell my self to give him a chance, but then I do and I'm totally disappointed. So I think it best to just rule him out Mapema. I know he likes me, he does. Unfortunately, I don't like him the same way. I think...he's a very good writer but I also think that he's unconciously trying to destroy and derail me. That's the end of that chapter. I'm done with him. Now, how to tell him!
Okay, I'm all burnt out. Think I'll rest now.
&Bondage&
Any way,before I performed, i went to the Bathroom to check out my face and piss away my anxiety and i noticed that my whole face was one big mountain of bumps.The next day, i discovered that the rest of my body was bumpity bump land. I think its those clothes I bought from Grace, evil woman.Okay, okay, I know its not her fault.I should have washed those clothes before wearing them....but it was an emergencey!!!!REALLY!
You see the evening before, The Editor from the The Nation calls and asks if i can come for an interview. I say yes and agree to be there by 12:30, I have a make up exam that same morning @ 11:00am, the lecturer doesn't show up so I arrange to take the CAT later in the afternoon....after which i have to go change my clothes again, go meet Eric at the Studio and then change my clothes to suit him....AGAIN! So I'm in a Mat to Mada when guess who calls. Eric calls and says that I shouldn't go to Mada coz the "guys" are all in Tao ati at Pasara's.
Now at that very moment I'm thinking to myself, what the f*&#k should I do to show this guy that if he makes an arrangement, he should stick to it or else notify me when he makes changes. Plus, I don't have money to waste zooming up and down town. There are better uses I could put my money to.
But, I remained calm...actually no, i was so f*&cking pissed but i managed to go to the studio, change my clothes and head back for town.
Earth hath no stupidity like that of a man who can't stick to plans, he himself made. Eric says that he's at Pasaras with akina Deno and Steve and whoever else. I get there ..... he says he's on K-street.BUT HE SAID HE WAS AT PASARAS!!!!
If I had been alone, it might have been alright you see i could have just turned on my heels and headed back for home(I couldn't have afforded to set my foot in Pasara's; you pay like 1,000 just to look in) but no. William, my keyboardist was with me and had planned to be out of Rezoras by 9:00. It is now 8:00 and we are still waiting for Eric outside Pasara's nowhere near Rezoras or Westlands for that matter.
I call the guy a million times and he says that I'm becoming rude! Rude? Rude?....Rude is when you tell someone to meet you at 6pm and show up at 10pm unpeturbed. Rude is when you say you're in Pasaras when you are actually on K-street and ask me to wait for you outside Pasaras. for 2 f*%#ing hours.
Anyway, I decided to call my brother Gungun so he could take Will and me to Rezoras. He picks us up and we drive to Westlands in his white rental. My uncle from America who's paid for the car and whom I haven't see for about 15 years, I'm now 22, Kindly offers to buy us supper before we go to Rezoras. I eat a whole pizza alone, Will naively went for the chicken and fries.
Unlce gives me 1,000Kshs and I think to myself "Wow, now i can actually look into Pasara's". Then he lets me keep the change after he bought Will and me supper. Wow, he reminds me so much of my other brother, he's ever giving.
So anyway, we get to Rezoras and the music is too bloody loud. The singers are horrendous, but the guy on the drums is kinda cute and he plays like a rock star. The guitarist is one of our omore famous actors from Better Days ( what a hunk) and he too plays like a rock star. He and the Bass Guitarist( Another shy hunk) have this wierd connection that only they can understand. They keep looking at each other and play mad tunes.Wow! I think I still have a crush on the Guitarist...maybe it's just because he's famous....Naaaah! I ain't that shallow.
My turn to play comes so Will and me go to the the stage....surprisingly...I'm not nervous or scared...but I'm not happy either so when I sing, you can tell that I'm not feeling the music...especially on my first song. But when I sing "Collide" the crowd goes wild and everybody is cheearing. Deno is taking a video of me perfoming and when I look at him, I blush for the camera...or maybe it was for him....you know...i think that was a very good performance in terms of..."i had no fear" but terrible because the crowd didn't feel me entirely. I bored them in the beginning.
Steve was happy, Eric pretended to be happy, Shaffie was there with his wife...Shinde was there, Sheila Mwanyigah was there, Who knows who else was there. Obviously I didn't do very well because no one has called me since then not even Eric. I plan to go see him tomorrow. Or at least go to the studio and find out what's cooking.
V bugs me alot. I don't believe he's good enough for me. I'm polite and tell my self to give him a chance, but then I do and I'm totally disappointed. So I think it best to just rule him out Mapema. I know he likes me, he does. Unfortunately, I don't like him the same way. I think...he's a very good writer but I also think that he's unconciously trying to destroy and derail me. That's the end of that chapter. I'm done with him. Now, how to tell him!
Okay, I'm all burnt out. Think I'll rest now.
&Bondage&
Friday, August 24, 2007
I'M NOT SURE
so my life seems to be going quite okayly although good things take so long to come and are so hard to come by. i sang for KISS 100 FM and won 2000kshs. wow! my mom heard and called, my sister heard and called, my brother, well i called him first like i always do.everyone congratulated me. even my manager thought it was coooooool.
so eric, my manager, got me a gig at the Rezerous Bar and Restaurant in westlands and i pray to God, the Angels, Mary mother of God and Jesus to smoothen my voice and make me irresistable to any of the talent scouts that might be hanging out there that day. i pray to God that i will sing to the best of my ability and that the guitar they have there will not mess anything up for me. i hope it will be a good day.
i hope eric will be happy
i hope steve will be happy
i hope the reporters from Nairobi Star will be happy
i hope the crowd will be thoroughly entertained; i better not bore them to absenteism
i hope i will have a good time
i hope i will imagine them all in their underwear and forget any sort of stupid fear that may try to creep into my bones.
i sure hope the Virgin Mary will be by my side as i strum and sing.
i hope that i will find a good outfit to wear that day.
i hope that my voice will be smooth, melodious, high pitched (where necessary) and simply divine( it is after all my gift from God)
i hope that i shall inspire someone
i hope that mercy will be availabel and come with us and that she shall sing too or at least inspired to sing in the future.( very near future)
lastly i pray that i shall be decent and fufill the will of God, because he is the source of my strength, joy and happiness. his word is last and i aim to obey it.
& bondage &
so eric, my manager, got me a gig at the Rezerous Bar and Restaurant in westlands and i pray to God, the Angels, Mary mother of God and Jesus to smoothen my voice and make me irresistable to any of the talent scouts that might be hanging out there that day. i pray to God that i will sing to the best of my ability and that the guitar they have there will not mess anything up for me. i hope it will be a good day.
i hope eric will be happy
i hope steve will be happy
i hope the reporters from Nairobi Star will be happy
i hope the crowd will be thoroughly entertained; i better not bore them to absenteism
i hope i will have a good time
i hope i will imagine them all in their underwear and forget any sort of stupid fear that may try to creep into my bones.
i sure hope the Virgin Mary will be by my side as i strum and sing.
i hope that i will find a good outfit to wear that day.
i hope that my voice will be smooth, melodious, high pitched (where necessary) and simply divine( it is after all my gift from God)
i hope that i shall inspire someone
i hope that mercy will be availabel and come with us and that she shall sing too or at least inspired to sing in the future.( very near future)
lastly i pray that i shall be decent and fufill the will of God, because he is the source of my strength, joy and happiness. his word is last and i aim to obey it.
& bondage &
Friday, January 12, 2007
The Passing Wind
New year, new things. Or so I thought. I thought that as I grew older, I would also grow smarter and wiser and not make the same silly mistakes I had made the year before and years before that. I was wrong!
Many times we fall into traps that we thought we would be perceptive enough of, smart enough to evade. We even brag to other people about how strong we are and ridicule those who fell. Now the tables have turned and I............I am the one that fell. I fell so badly, so badly that I'm still trying to figure out if I can be fixed. If I can pick myself up and carry on with my life. I worry so much nowadays. I am afraid of falling again and I am afraid that how far I have fallen is already too deep.
This could be the end of all my plans, the beginning of a nightmare, the end of my life and all the good things in it. Now that I have stepped into the shoes of those people I have so often ridiculed, I realize that one stupid mistake can ruin your whole life and the lives of the those you love, those who love you.
I no longer boast my strength. I have none. Whatever it is that protects us from the evil hands of misfortune has left me and I wander alone trying to protect myself;but I fail. Over and over again I fail and wonder what it is I am supposed to be doing. What it is I am living for in this world. Sometimes I wish that I could leave it, this world, painlessly, without suffering, without regret, without a longing to remain just a little longer.
I cry without tearing for my foolishness has nearly ruined me. The wiser I think I'm getting, the more I prove to myself that I am nothing more than a mindless prat. I am no wiser than I was as a newborn. I just know more and yet I cannot seem to use my knowledge to my advantage. I have gone against the very principles I thought were innate. It seems they were........................just like the passing wind. Here now......... gone a second later.
Bondage
Many times we fall into traps that we thought we would be perceptive enough of, smart enough to evade. We even brag to other people about how strong we are and ridicule those who fell. Now the tables have turned and I............I am the one that fell. I fell so badly, so badly that I'm still trying to figure out if I can be fixed. If I can pick myself up and carry on with my life. I worry so much nowadays. I am afraid of falling again and I am afraid that how far I have fallen is already too deep.
This could be the end of all my plans, the beginning of a nightmare, the end of my life and all the good things in it. Now that I have stepped into the shoes of those people I have so often ridiculed, I realize that one stupid mistake can ruin your whole life and the lives of the those you love, those who love you.
I no longer boast my strength. I have none. Whatever it is that protects us from the evil hands of misfortune has left me and I wander alone trying to protect myself;but I fail. Over and over again I fail and wonder what it is I am supposed to be doing. What it is I am living for in this world. Sometimes I wish that I could leave it, this world, painlessly, without suffering, without regret, without a longing to remain just a little longer.
I cry without tearing for my foolishness has nearly ruined me. The wiser I think I'm getting, the more I prove to myself that I am nothing more than a mindless prat. I am no wiser than I was as a newborn. I just know more and yet I cannot seem to use my knowledge to my advantage. I have gone against the very principles I thought were innate. It seems they were........................just like the passing wind. Here now......... gone a second later.
Bondage
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)