I finally get the appeal of girls in bikinis washing my car

... No. Not because they're wearing bikinis but because they're girls and are generally more gentle with car parts than guys usually are.

Every time I take mine to the wash, there's an energetic 20-year-old just rearing to detach my bumpers with vigorous washing. I kent even...
Then I have to pay the guy? I might as well just give him my kidney because that's how much it's going cost to fix the damage he's caused inside, outside, around, above the car.
I get it. He's trying to be a good employee and showing the client how hard working and fast and reliable he is but, here's the thing; they don't make cars like they used to. Everything is glued instead of riveted together (Oh boxy land rover, how I long for thee you indestructible hunk of steel).
Mine is particularly delicate with lower than low bumpers made of fibreglass that cracks when touched. Perhaps I was too quick in buying the lovely thing but, why does the car wash guy have to break it?
I'm just asking, where are the lady car washers... who won't steal from my glove box... which contains no gloves?