Here's to no bras

The two things I love most about Lupita Nyongo - and no, it is not her acting - are her flawless skin and her tiny breasts. Here's why, forget what African men say about flat-chested women, you can get inflatable ones if pleasing a guy who doesn't even take you out once a year or treat you special... ever... is what you want to do. Those tiny breasts are the bestest.

You can have a couple of kids, or three, breastfeed them just fine, and those tetas shrink back. Just like that (I've seen it happen) and you're back to jogging and not wearing a bra under your vest... aaaand just generally not worrying about the jiggle here and a nipple peak there... you know, that kind of thing. I always imagine that small boobs = 1000 times more freedom than anything above a D-cup.

She never has to worry about sagging flaps of skin as she gets older. And when she goes jogging, it's just her muscles glistening with sweat (does she jogging by the way?). No fat-tremors, or birds being scattered out of the trees by the tremendous shakes of your cellulite.

And it's not just Lupita though, is it? It's every tiny woman with an almost flat chest that I look at and think "wow, can we trade?".

The fact that Lupita's gotten so far just as she is, is testament that anyone can do anything. And there have been many who've done the impossible. We just keep forgetting and need to be reminded by people who were nobodies last night, but are being worshipped like gods today.

So, yeah, maybe I'll just stick with what I have and say... My dreams: validated. I want to be a ballerina.

Passion for Fashion at Casino Malindi on March 8

In celebration of International Women's day

Shopping!!

Sunday, March 9th

From 10am till 1pm

 

Come to the La Griglia Bar
Designers will be present with their latest fashion creations

DJ ISRAEL AT HERISQUARE EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY

You know he'll get to the promised land because his name is Israel... DJ Isreal (stylized as Izrael). If you can get past the traffic jam between town and the Nothern Bypass, then you can definitely get to Herisquare, one of Ruaka's latest chill out places where you can have a swim on the hot days, have a family day out, (but not with the ladies in the poster that's rated Rrrrrrrrrrrred Hot!).
You can order kilos and kilos of nyama choma, if you enjoy gout. Beer for the belly. Water for the soul. Foods you've never heard of before. Get it all. Also, on the special nights that DJ Israel does play, you might get the pleasure of seeing the ladies flanking him on either side gliding around on clouds of awesomeness. Yeah, that's what awesome people do.

Check it out: But don't stare at the poster too much...you'll never gerrit.

Borrowed Life, a play by Seth Busolo at Michael Joseph Centre

Seth is prolific at least. And hilarious. The play runs between March 6th and 8th. Save a 5-er because that's what you need to get in. 
More details are on the poster below.

Tiri's latest album Nefertiri out on March 8th

Tiri is apparently all about making an empire for herself... and her beau, I guess... like Ice and Coco? No, definitely B and J. Which spells BJ. It's not so far-fetched though, the idea of her, Empress over all the land that is music, glamour and fashion in Kenya. She looks the part, she sounds good, now if only she could climb out of that pit of a shadow that Karun left her in. What shadow? Exactly. What shadow? 

They are worlds apart, incomparable, on opposite sides of the spectrum, absolutely no similarities, except a deep voice and the ability to sing.

Plus, have you seen what she (Tiri) can do in front of a camera? I'm afraid to say it's Adults only content, most of the time. Still, it's what's selling now so, who are you to complain? Who am I? Who are we?

That said, the release of Nefertiri is scheduled for 8th of March, 2014, at a location yet to be disclosed. I might, or might not be invited.

Here are two of her latest videos:

Ricky Na Marafiki performs tonight at Alliance Française, Nairobi

The show is between 6pm and 9pm tonight. Tickets are 500bob. You don't want to miss this.